Sun rise

You are still up, staring at the glaring red of your alarm clock digits. Time flecking by slowly. All noises in the house have stopped numbers ago. You don't feel right. You feel something drawing you, pulling you away. Step out. Bare feet will do. Goosebumps under cotton pajamas greet moonlight glaring on wet asphalt. You stop for a moment to admire the awkwardness of your existence. Watch the sleeping houses all around. Measure your shadow on the ground. Breathe the still and silver silence. You feel it again. Pulling. Hushing rhythmic salty... calling. You take your calloused feet across the gritty street. The sea breeze can reach you now. Tossing your hair, matting the bedhead with sea spray. The sand is welcome beneath your toes, though cool. You dig your feet in, searching for warmth from the days sun. Only colder. The logs, splintered, damp, but still, they comfort you. Their presence is strong and quiet, like a father. You rest and listen. The waves crashing on the shore speak your name. The sky is warming its hues and you close your eyes, awake. Awake to what's been hidden. What you've been afraid to see. Crashing waves, hushing, coercing you to stay and dream. Dream the suppressed nightmare. Here, you're not alone. Here there is wisdom and grace and strength all around you, and not a single face to judge you. Here you reach into that last pocket of your soul and toss some lint aside. The gritty truth beneath, it stings like salt in a wound. You're eyes bleed seawater and you press the story of your life into your palm. Hold it there and slowly, pull it to the surface. What is this mess? This curse? This simple life turned inward and then thwarted against oneself? This tangle of truth and lies and misguided emotion? You open your eyes to the sound, like a ghost, beyond the reeds of dune grass. Your heart races. For a moment it seem your demons have come to life. And then you see. Dawn is near. The birds are awaking. Again, the ducks sound out they grumbly waking quacks. Suddenly you feel like an intruder. You toss your secrets back. Tomorrow is another night. Pick up, brush off, head out. Grind sand between your toes as you walk. Think of nothing. The first emptiness of mind you've enjoyed in years. You feel crisp and fresh. The dried salt on your face tightens your skin. You are ready to walk another day among the living with a smile on your face. As you leave the sandy beach behind, and head back to your life, you almost don't notice, as your foot catches on a loop of misplaced fishing line, knotted and wound around the carcass of a sea bird. Sun rise.